Rush

[To the tune of Dave Matthews Band's "Crash"]

I got black-balled, I went insane
Put on my tie, Jovan Musk for Men
Brown-bagged porno at Lucky Seven
Home to Hereford ... to beat again.

Drank cheap Brandy; packed a bowl
Smoked crack-rock, felt like Bob Dole
Went to Phi Mu, I'm at ... Phi Mu

Soon they will Rush into me, yeah
Baby, and I'll come on their shoes
(But it's a wet dream)

Turned the lights down low, just so
You'll touch my GI Joe. it grows, so,
I'm blue-balled and still at ... Phi Mu

But they sound Russian to me, yeah
Baby, should've laid off the glue
At least they can't scream

Pull down my pants a little more
Bob Dole has to pee

Pull down my pants a little more, please
Dole has no accuracy

Short Short Course List

U.Va. Squirrels
Sigma Pi Pornography
Pimp Stepping: death drop

Letter of the Law

Whilst rifling through Casteen's "ignore/suppress" document bin, Poodah purloined a coffee-stained note of disturbing content. Apparently, the anonymous correspondence regarding the fraternity-party honor system paradox was not the only note of discord resounding in the parental proletariat ... Poodah leaves it to the upstanding citizens of our academical village to uncover the latest first-year pampering scandal.

Dear "[semi-precious stone]" John Casteen,

Over the summer we received your [adj. of arousal] Honor Video. It turned us on to U.Va.! We assumed that if the Honor System could put an end to [syn. for killing] professors on the Lawn, it would also [facial expression] upon behaviors such as getting [rhymes w/ Osh Kosh B'Goshed], [ant. of manual chastity], and [facial excitation]. Thus we were [rhymes w/ "cocked"] to [Columbus activity] that our [ant. of prison bitch] little jr. had participated in [# of U.Va. construction projects] such activities during his first night at your [syn. of latrine]. In the future we [rhymes with Pope] that you will take better [type of bear] of him. Make sure he doesn't stay out too [type of espresso], interact lewdly with the opposite [what he is doing right now], or urinate irreverently.

Thanks Muchly,
Concerned Parent